The Tesla Diner's Menu Is As Overpriced, Under-thought, And Full Of Dated Memes As The Cars

Tesla

Tesla opened a diner successful Los Angeles this week arsenic a benignant of retro-futuristic eatery successful nan vein of Dexter Jettster's Coruscant restaurant, and its paper is afloat of precisely nan benignant of faux-elevated real-overpriced dishes you'd apt expect from specified an establishment. So let's return a look done nan paper and spot what we're moving with. 

The diner, which promises to besides beryllium some drive-in (with chargers and movie screens) and dive (thanks to a wide deficiency of quality), has already had immoderate paper shifts successful nan little than 24 hours it's been open. Milkshakes and crystal pick person been dropped, suggesting immoderate McDonalds-esque problem down nan counter, though pies are still served a la mode — unclear really that works. What is clear, though, is that early reviews are mixed astatine very, very best. Many of nan five-star reviews connected Google Maps travel from Tesla fans who wrote their thoughts earlier nan constitution opened, while reviews based connected acquisition kick astir foods that are alternately barren aliases soggy, slow service, and mostly comparing it to bargain-bin accelerated nutrient offerings.

Tesla

The "Tesla Burger," known to nan paper website's backend arsenic ASSET_ID_LACY_JUICY, is simply a smash burger pinch pickles, lettuce, onion, cheese, and condiment connected a Martin's murphy roll. If this sounds familiar, it's because it's nan default burger of Shake Shack and besides beautiful overmuch each different edifice that makes a burger. Smashing nan burger level connected nan griddle gives you those crispy bits astir nan edges — nan LACY from nan plus sanction — and Tesla's chefs do get points for putting nan lettuce beneath nan patty, wherever it belongs. 

The halfway rumor pinch this burger isn't nan burger itself, but nan truth that it costs $13.50 for what is fundamentally an eight-buck burger from Shake Shack. Sure, nan Tesla diner claims to usage marginally much beef than a azygous Shake Shack patty, but moreover a double from nan second — which comes retired to much beef — costs little than nan former. Are caramelized onions worthy 5 bucks? Are they really? When In-n-Out is correct there, pinch a double-double animal style positive fries and a portion for less?

The photograph present looks appetizing enough, it's beautiful difficult to make a smash burger look bad, but nan real-life type manages. Truly conscionable immoderate unruly overcooked beef haphazardly slapped onto a too-small bun pinch nary respect for anyone's expertise to clasp it. The food besides looks greasy arsenic each hell. 

First repast astatine nan caller Tesla Diner! Solid cheeseburger and awesome beef tallow fries pic.twitter.com/QmnIjG9Yug

— Zack (@BLKMDL3) July 22, 2025

Tesla

This is simply a $13 basking dog. It has mustard and onion-pickle relish and it costs 13 United States dollars. Yes, nan off-brown chips are included, but travel on. These all-beef franks travel from Snap-O-Razzo, and look to beryllium nan company's Natural Cased Beefy Butcher Dogs — admittedly costly to nan user astatine 3 bucks a pop, but nary edifice worthy its brackish should beryllium paying unit prices for meat. 

The prime to usage an all-beef canine present is an absorbing one, peculiarly erstwhile you look done immoderate of nan different nutrient options. The meal tacos and gravy usage an all-beef Mexican-style chorizo alternatively than a pork-based Spanish style sausage, and nan chili (which will gets its ain descent of ire later) is likewise beef. It seems nan only nutrient options present are beef, breaded chickenhearted breast, and nan intelligibly Musk-named "Epic Bacon." None of these items are bad connected their own, but it's bully to person a small spot of assortment erstwhile successful a while. Especially erstwhile we get to nan fry lipid later on.

Also, those Martin's murphy rolls aren't moreover toasted. You're already moving pinch a unsmooth bread-to-meat ratio here, and leaving nan rotation untouched is simply a surefire measurement to conscionable make each wound sensation for illustration potato. Potato and onion, judging by nan ratios here. At least, by serving only 4 murphy chips connected nan side, they aren't overdoing it connected that flavor. 

This 🌭 is XL @Tesla Diner 😎 pic.twitter.com/F3G6KZkGlT

— JeebsTX 🇺🇸 (@JeebsTX) July 22, 2025

Tesla

Jesus Christ. I cognize Elon is large connected net memes circa 2010, but these are things nary 1 has cared astir since 2010. They're not conscionable nary longer successful vogue, they're actively cringe. Is nan diner going to commencement serving Bawls too? Will location beryllium a ThinkGeek pop-up connected nan roof? Bacon was large erstwhile Musk was 39 years old, and now astatine 54 it seems for illustration he's trying to recapture that online splendor of his somewhat younger mediate property — a play wherever he wore his hairsbreadth agelong and his leather coats longer, successful an artistic that tin only beryllium called "incel couture." 

This is nan first point present wherever nan genuinely outrageous value tag — $12 for 4 strips of bacon — isn't moreover nan worst part. This astir apt doesn't sensation bad if you're into bacon, pinch maple and achromatic capsicum being classical spirit combos for this peculiar trim of pork, but it's conscionable truthful played retired astatine this point.

Tesla

Noted roadkill connoisseur Robert F Kennedy Junior runs American wellness now, for immoderate reason, and he's seemingly fallen down nan TikTok rabbit spread of declaring seed oils evil. His "Make America Healthy Again" agenda includes frying everything imaginable successful beef tallow, a known root of heart disease-inducing saturated fats, alternatively than objectively healthier oils for illustration canola aliases rapeseed. The Tesla diner's fries are, of course, fried successful beef tallow successful accordance pinch nan agenda. 

Do fries made pinch beef tallow sensation better? Maybe, since tallow is conscionable beef fat and fat is flavor, but effort winning complete anyone who's a instrumentality of Five Guys' peanut oil-fried potatoes. But is it really worthy each nan wellness risks conscionable to person a broadside crockery that tastes much for illustration half nan main dishes astatine nan Tesla Diner? Why can't a broadside bring its ain flavor, and not skyrocket your cholesterin successful nan process? 

Tesla

I want a cinnamon rotation truthful bad now. A bully one, though, not immoderate cold-looking stiff-dough trash Tesla is putting out. You conscionable cognize that rotation was trim retired of a pan, alternatively than pulled. Don't trim your cinnamon rolls! It makes them tougher!

Food astatine Tesla diner. Cinnamon rotation looks yummy 😋 pic.twitter.com/AEyX6yD5Ag

— LilHumansBigImpact (@BigImpactHumans) July 22, 2025

But now I'm conscionable reasoning astir other, amended cinnamon rolls and salivating astatine nan thought for illustration a basking transsexual Homer Simpson. I wonderment if nan section Cinnabon will beryllium unfastened aft work.

Tesla

You cognize it's going to beryllium unsmooth erstwhile nan promotional image makes you sad. These are, arsenic is benignant of a inclination pinch pricing here, an $11 group of meal tacos. In Los Angeles, a metropolis I'd telephone nan absolute top successful nan U.S. for thoroughfare tacos (fight me, Austin), you get 2 tacos pinch beef chorizo, scrambled eggs, fried potatoes (seemingly successful 2 sadness-colored large hash browns alternatively than a location fry aliases moreover a tater tot situation), avocado, and a condiment made pinch American cheese. First, you whitethorn person noticed nan absurd omission of immoderate benignant of salsa connected these tacos. Second, who nan hellhole uses American food connected a taco?

This condiment appears to beryllium made pinch your modular yellowish American cheese, alternatively than thing much reasonable. No queso Oaxaca, nary cotija, not moreover cheddar — American. I initially chalked this up to either immoderate civilization warfare crap, but it turns retired there's an moreover dumber reason: The diner's chef, Eric Greenspan, owns nan institution that makes each this American cheese. Greenspan's New School food institution doesn't make Oaxaca aliases cotija, truthful nan Tesla diner doesn't usage objectively amended choices. Greenspan just did a podcast pinch Barstool, by nan way, successful lawsuit you felt bad astir maine ragging connected him. 

Tesla

This is nan existent pièce de résistance, nan crockery that inspired maine to constitute this full blog successful nan first place: Wagyu chili. As a erstwhile Rochester resident pinch a emotion of garbage plates, I'm not against nan chopped onions arsenic a topping here, but I cannot abide a food condiment complete chili extracurricular of a chili food canine situation. Worse, though, is nan usage of wagyu. 

If you're not familiar, wagyu cows are Japanese breeds that walk their life perfectly making out (it's improbable Tesla is utilizing existent Japanese wagyu, but location are American farmers that nutrient genuine wagyu). Wagyu cows unrecorded amended lives than immoderate of us, and their nutrient is prized for its marbling — nan measurement small bits of fat tally done nan meat, making for incredibly tasty and juicy dishes. Of course, that only useful if you're preparing a wagyu steak. If you're grinding nan nutrient for chili, past nan fat contented makes nary goddamn quality because you power that anyway. 

You can't person crushed beef pinch marbling! You tin adhd arsenic overmuch fat contented arsenic you want to a nutrient grinder! Why nan hellhole are you grinding wagyu, different than to warrant your mini $8 vessel of chili to group who admit nan connection but don't really cognize why it's truthful desirable? Sure, immoderate magnitude of wagyu beef will ever extremity up successful off-cuts bound for nan grinder, but utilizing nan sanction implies a level of desirability and value that crushed beef tin ne'er unrecorded up to. It's nan dumbest portion of this full menu, and yet it's emblematic of nan full point — high-quality ingredients prepared successful dumb ways, for excessively overmuch money, each drenched successful nuclear-yellow American cheese.