'people Looked At Me Like I Was A Something, Not Someone'

"I didn't look successful a reflector for years - possibly 4 aliases 5 years," erstwhile England and Team GB subordinate Heather Fisher says matter-of-factly.

"Looking back, I felt disgusting because group look astatine you for illustration you're a something, not someone."

She is explaining really she came to position pinch losing her hair, nan battles she has faced pinch her personality and nan struggle for acceptance from others.

Sitting successful her surviving room, it is intolerable to miss a achromatic wall adorned successful achromatic handwriting.

Take a person look, and you spot location are hundreds of motivational quotes and individual affirmations.

The words show a communicative moreover earlier she originates to stock hers.

'May consciousness lost'. 'May consciousness uncomfortable'. 'All portion of nan transition'. They are conscionable a fewer of them.

Fisher retired arsenic an England subordinate 4 years agone aft a profession that spanned much than a decade and besides included a cameo successful bobsleigh.

She was portion of nan Red Roses squad that won nan Women's World Cup successful 2014, and played rugby sevens arsenic well.

She competed astatine nan 2016 Rio Olympics - wherever Great Britain mislaid successful nan bronze badge lucifer - and for England astatine nan 2018 Commonwealth Games connected Australia's Gold Coast.

But immoderate of her toughest battles happened disconnected nan pitch.

In nan countdown to nan 2010 Rugby World Cup, her hairsbreadth began to autumn out. It is believed to person been triggered by a superior backmost injury.

Just complete a period later, it had each gone and Fisher was diagnosed pinch alopecia, an auto-immune information that destroys nan hairsbreadth follicles.

"All my hairsbreadth fell retired successful astir 5 weeks. I was holding connected to strands of hair," she recalls.

"I went to campy pinch my team-mates and my coaches really shaved my hairsbreadth off."

What followed was not conscionable a beingness alteration but a confrontation pinch her caller identity.

"I've ever struggled pinch my alopecia. Losing my hairsbreadth and looking and emotion different", nan 41-year-old explains. "As a female, I don't ever consciousness for illustration I fitted in."

Fisher tried to deterioration wigs but they ne'er felt authentic.

"It felt for illustration I was hiding and I didn't want to hide," she says.

"I felt for illustration I had to beryllium brave and I had to ain it. But that's not easy. I was successful an England strategy wherever I didn't consciousness for illustration I could beryllium myself."

It was not conscionable soul struggles she faced - it was really others responded to her appearance.

"I've had wigs thrown astatine me. I've been astir to spell and play and had wigs thrown astatine maine extracurricular of nan pitch," Fisher recalls.

"I've been asked why I'm astir to spell and play connected a transportation pinch females erstwhile I'm a guy. Quite clearly, I'm not a guy. I've been physically poked retired of toilets."

These experiences near heavy scars that Fisher is still moving through.

"I deliberation erstwhile you're an athlete, you're a domiciled exemplary to truthful galore group and you're conscionable expected to return nan hits," she adds.

"But I deliberation connected reflection, I don't spot why I should beryllium poked retired of toilets. I don't spot why constabulary are waiting to cheque what I am. I've only had nan clip to bespeak connected it since retiring and stepping back."

Fisher believes nan sporting world has made humble strides successful embracing women of each shapes and sizes and those pinch differences, pinch rugby seen arsenic 1 of nan astir inclusive sports.

Social media platforms, peculiarly TikTok, person played a important domiciled successful shifting perceptions, allowing athletes to show their ain stories and highlighting nan ways they break nan mould.

Reflecting connected her ain career, Fisher notes really different nan scenery was moreover a fewer years ago.

Social media beingness was successful its infancy erstwhile she was playing. If you worked connected your profile, "you were almost seen arsenic not taking nan athletics seriously," she adds.

But that has changed now.

"If I was playing now for sure, I would decidedly stock my communicative connected societal media. It would move heads and it would beryllium a existent affirmative measurement to showcase nan crippled and showcase personification who looks and feels different," she says.

Among nan athletes redefining what it intends to beryllium a female successful athletics is United States superstar Ilona Maher.

She is nan astir followed rugby subordinate - antheral aliases female - successful nan world, pinch millions of followers connected TikTok and Instagram acknowledgment to contented that celebrates her spot and femininity.

"I deliberation pinch Ilona Maher, it's really absorbing because she's done specified a awesome job," Fisher says.

"She's a awesome advocator for what she puts retired location and she's brilliant. But she still looks very feminine."

Fisher says, by contrast, she feels she does not look feminine - and that is wherever nan rumor lies.

"We tin put a female retired location and they mightiness person muscles and they mightiness person a definite measurement of looking, but they still look feminine," she explains.

"We judge women who are muscular and we understand muscles and women.

"But we don't understand muscles and nary hair."

Since retirement, Fisher has forged a profession arsenic a motivational speaker, a rugby pundit and a activity consultant.

She has besides appeared connected Channel 4's 'Celebrity SAS Who Dares Wins' and nan BBC's 'Go Hard aliases Go Home'.

And fixed nan prime to person a afloat caput of hairsbreadth again, she would not want to alteration who she is.

"I'd beryllium capable to do a hairsbreadth flick but it would do my caput successful and it would make maine itchy truthful I wouldn't alteration it. It's made maine who I americium today," she says, pinch pride.

"It's made maine really resilient and I really, genuinely judge that I was calved to guidelines out."