I Didn’t Think I Could Get Addicted To Weed. I Was Wrong – And I’m Not Alone

Amy knew it wasn’t great. But location she was, astatine nan bottommost of a dumpster, desperately searching for nan THC vape cartridge she’d thrown distant conscionable hours earlier.

Amy, 18, had antecedently tossed that aforesaid cartridge, known colloquially arsenic a cart, into a nationalist trash can. Passersby stared arsenic she later rooted astir to retrieve it. So she lifted nan full garbage container and brought it backmost to her apartment, wherever she dug done a bunch of sloppy, stinking detritus earlier uncovering it and taking a grateful toke. Later that aforesaid week, she threw it into nan dumpster – surely that would forestall her from going back. But she did.

“I’ve tried everything to stop,” said Amy (not her existent sanction – each interviewees requested anonymity for this story). She’s been to rehab and discussed her cannabis usage successful therapy for years. She’s fixed carts away, made non-smoking friends, changed schools – but thing has helped her quit. She said she’s trying each day.

“Especially aft nan dumpster situation,” she added. “That earnestly frightened me.”

I recovered Amy successful r/leaves, a subreddit astir quitting cannabis that has much than 400,000 followers. I joined nan group precocious past year, having yet admitted that smoking weed almost each day, sometimes aggregate times a day, mightiness beryllium ruining my life.

Recreational cannabis usage is now ineligible successful astir half of US states; almost each authorities allows for aesculapian use. According to a 2024 study, that year, for the first clip successful history, much Americans were consuming immoderate shape of cannabis regular than alcohol.

For a agelong time, I had been successful heavy denial – not conscionable astir my ain dependency, but nan anticipation weed could beryllium addictive astatine all. After all, it was perfectly “natural” and fundamentally impossible to overdose on. Didn’t that mean it was beautiful overmuch safe?

But according to nan Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), an estimated 30% of cannabis users will go addicted. Cannabis usage upset (CUD), according to nan DSM-5 and nan CDC, is characterized by 12 months aliases much of continuing usage contempt antagonistic physical, societal aliases psychological effects, spending a batch of clip utilizing aliases reasoning astir using, and trying and failing to quit.

THC, aliases tetrahydrocannabinol, is nan main psychoactive constituent of cannabis. It stimulates nan brain’s reward system to merchandise nan neurotransmitter dopamine, giving nan personification a high. Those withdrawing from dense usage will acquisition a crisp alteration successful dopamine release, which mightiness promote continued use. Studies person shown nan consequence of processing CUD is greater for those who commencement utilizing earlier nan property of 25, arsenic Amy did, and for those who usage heavy aliases person pre-existing intelligence wellness issues aliases familial predispositions to processing addiction.

I ne'er received a general test – my denial and fearfulness that I’d beryllium told to extremity utilizing kept maine from bringing up my dependence to aesculapian providers. But by my mid-30s I deed beautiful overmuch each azygous 1 of those criteria. According to caller research, “cannabis tin impact nan processing encephalon into one’s early 30s”, said Dr Kevin Hill, an addiction psychiatrist and starring objective master connected cannabis argumentation and treatment.

Like truthful galore others, I went from dabbler to regular personification astatine nan commencement of nan pandemic. My roommates and I each sewage sick pinch what was almost surely Covid successful March 2020, earlier testing became wide disposable successful New York City. I was frightened and bored, and it benignant of felt for illustration nan world was ending. Why not get high?

There was thing ritualistic and almost ineffable astir rolling a associated astatine nan extremity of nan time aliases popping a gummy and giggling pinch my roommates. I’d drift distant into my ain safe and silly reality. By nan pursuing year, New York had legalized recreational use, and grabbing THC seltzers connected nan measurement to a statement became arsenic casual arsenic showing up pinch a six-pack of beer.

A fewer years later, I sewage laid disconnected from my job. Both my self-worth and finances were astatine an all-time low. Weed had gone from thing fun, societal and stress-relieving to an almost exclusively solo necessity. I’d aftermath up successful a panic, instantly moving a intelligence tally of really overmuch bud I had left; if I was moving debased and didn’t person nan costs to re-up, I would spiral. I sold my belongings online to salary for nan habit. I would prime weed complete groceries.

My woman had ne'er been a instrumentality of my smoking, and she liked it moreover little erstwhile I went from a single, evening associated to changeless vaping. She thought weed made maine clumsy, inconsiderate, forgetful and aloof. (She was right.) And she hated really often I was location other entirely, hardly responsive. That is, if I was awake astatine each – toward nan end, weed mostly conscionable made maine want to spell to sleep. To cheque out. That was nan best-case scenario; different I sewage terribly paranoid, nan measurement I had erstwhile I had first tried smoking much than 10 years earlier, aliases I knowledgeable bouts of disorientation and derealization.

I had increasing suspicions my dependence was besides blunting my ambition and harming my memory. I felt sapped of nan focus, inspiration and thrust to make art, fto unsocial a amended life for myself. On my worst days I hardly moreover felt for illustration a quality being. But I couldn’t, wouldn’t, stop.

I tried everything: restricting myself to evenings and weekends, moderation, breaks. Nothing worked.

This is an each excessively communal communicative connected r/leaves.

Liam, a 33-year-old father, told maine that cannabis initially helped him discontinue intoxicant and different harmful drugs. “In a measurement I considered it a savior,” he said. But aft his first kid was born, he couldn’t shingle nan habit.

“I’ve destroyed bongs, trim contacts pinch dealers, but it has been futile,” he said. “Without cannabis I felt empty, arsenic if location was thing to life without it. And truthful I ever came back.”

There’s a “persistent misunderstanding” astir cannabis not being addictive, said Dr Jonathan Caulkins, a supplier argumentation interrogator and professor astatine Carnegie Mellon University who authored a 2024 study connected changes successful cannabis use. “We don’t request much investigation to cognize it’s a dependent-producing toxin,” he said.

But because “so galore group usage it without processing cannabis usage disorder, tons of group cognize plentifulness of group who don’t go addicted”, he said. As pinch different drugs, immoderate group tin beryllium casual dabblers; different people, well, can’t.

All of nan experts I said pinch emphasized that today’s cannabis is not your hippie grandma’s weed. Half a period ago, nan emblematic THC contented was astir 4%. “The logic why group didn’t judge that cannabis was addictive,” said Dr Deepak D’Souza, a professor of psychiatry astatine Yale School of Medicine and nan head of nan Yale Center for nan Science of Cannabis and Cannabinoids, is “because [of] nan cannabis that was disposable then, and nan studies that were done to look astatine cannabis addiction, suggested that only 1 successful 10 group developed cannabis usage disorder.”

But nowadays, nan THC contented of thoroughfare cannabis is person to 20%; astatine a dispensary, you tin bargain concentrates arsenic beardown arsenic 95% THC. “Newer studies are suggesting that 1 successful 3 mightiness person developed cannabis usage disorder,” said D’Souza, who has conducted investigation connected nan biology of CUD. “We tin spot clear changes successful nan encephalon successful dense cannabis users which bespeak nan consequences of nan encephalon being bombarded pinch THC complete a play of time.”

According to Caulkins’ research, “a important stock of existent cannabis users, including those who usage frequently, self-report nan depletion interferes pinch their lives successful immoderate consequential way”.

For instance, location are increasing associations betwixt high-THC depletion and psychosis, peculiarly for younger users. People whitethorn beryllium increasingly showing up to emergency rooms pinch symptoms for cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS), a uncommon but debilitating information characterized by terrible vomiting and abdominal pain. Frequent usage is besides associated pinch deleterious effects connected representation and executive function.

Another contributing facet to nan lasting taste statement against weed’s much unsavory effects, said Caulkins, is simply a different but arsenic powerful persistent belief “that nan authorities exaggerates nan harms and risks of each drugs, and cannabis successful particular”. He mentions nan infamous anti-marijuana propaganda movie from nan 1930s, Reefer Madness, successful which unsuspecting precocious schoolhouse students lured by supplier pushers go truthful marijuana-crazed they perpetrate crimes and hallucinate to nan constituent of insanity; 1 characteristic kills himself.

It’s understandable “that group person a batch of distrust” erstwhile it comes to organization messaging connected cannabis since nan US, Australia, nan UK and beyond person each criminalized supplier use, moreover though “we cognize that supplier usage is simply a wellness problem. It’s not a criminal problem,” said Dr Jack Wilson, a postdoctoral chap astatine nan Matilda Centre for Research successful Mental Health and Substance Use astatine nan University of Sydney.

Wilson co-wrote nan largest review ever conducted connected nan information and efficacy of cannabinoids for treating intelligence health. It recovered nary grounds that aesculapian cannabis is effective successful treating anxiety, slump aliases PTSD – 3 of nan starring conditions for which it’s prescribed. Since it was published successful March, he’s been accused of moving for a pharmaceutical company, he said. “I find that funny, not only because I’m not funded by immoderate manufacture – but because cannabis is large pharma now, whether group for illustration it aliases not.”

Social media jokes astir specified findings being conspiracies are common: they’re funded by large alcohol! The Man doesn’t want america to unwind and beryllium free! And yet, arsenic D’Souza pointed out, “one of nan astir important dynamics successful constituent usage disorders is denial and rationalization”.

I’ve been there. For years, I tried to person myself that weed made maine much creative, little inhibited and much successful tune pinch nan beingness – moreover though I seldom followed done connected bursts of stoned inspiration.

The aforesaid shape happened pinch Liam. “With hobbies, it’s a double-edged sword,” he said. “At first, [cannabis] motivated maine to spell to nan gym, play guitar and do martial arts. But arsenic clip passed … a week-long break from a hobby turned into a month, and that turned into half a year.”

When you prioritize weed, nan remainder of your life tends to walk you by. “It has caused maine to not beryllium location erstwhile a friend needed me, because I was mentally checked out,” said Liam. “I person forgotten to reply messages for weeks, aliases canceled worldly because I was precocious and was embarrassed to spell retired … I was ne'er afloat there.”

Weed helped maine to feel, nevertheless temporarily, contented pinch less. Being broke, depressed and unfulfilled was much tolerable while stoned. Weed was thing to look guardant to, and it lulled maine into complacency.

I knew that, if I wanted to unrecorded nan benignant of life I wanted, I would person to discontinue eventually. But I wouldn’t person had nan courageousness aliases information if my expert hadn’t said I needed 30 days weed-free earlier I could commencement medicine for my recently diagnosed ADHD. It was off-limits erstwhile I started connected nan meds, excessively – mixing cannabis and stimulants is really vulnerable for nan heart. Even then, nan only point that helped maine extremity was nan committedness of different drug.

For a predominant user, stopping acold turkey really, really sucks. Marianne, a 22-year-old who’s precocious quit, had galore symptoms associated pinch cannabis withdrawal syndrome (CWS), which is now included successful nan DSM-5. The inability to sleep, nighttime sweats, nary appetite and irritability were “really difficult”, she said. All of that eased aft a fewer days, but “feeling quiet and emotionally level tin return weeks and months to spell away”.

My first mates weeks without THC were hell. I couldn’t eat aliases sleep. I had crazy, vivid dreams that almost ever shape-shifted into nighttime terrors. I felt empty, for illustration life would ne'er beryllium nosy again.

But I made it through, passing into what immoderate telephone nan pinkish cloud: a play successful early sobriety marked by overconfidence and optimism, an almost overwhelming consciousness of euphoria and freedom. It’s now been a fewer months since I past ingested immoderate shape of cannabis, and though nan pinkish unreality effect has faded somewhat, quitting has changed each facet of my life for nan better.

The ADHD meds I trialed didn’t activity out, but moreover without them, I person nan attraction span for creation again; I’ve crafted much successful 2026 than I person successful years.

The boring patient worldly has slow helped maine heal: qigong workouts and eating well. I capable my evenings pinch sewing classes, dancing and hikes – anecdotally, activities to look guardant to are basal for preventing relapse. And nan slump and worry I thought I was treating pinch weed has since lessened considerably.

Even though location is small to nary grounds that aesculapian cannabis helps pinch intelligence wellness conditions, D’Souza acknowledges nan anticipation that nan contiguous effects of marijuana relieve immoderate psychological distress. “But not agelong term,” he said. “It’s for illustration if we gave group Valium for everything – it whitethorn relieve immoderate grade of distress and anxiety, but it really doesn’t do overmuch for nan underlying condition.”

I do person moments of missing my longtime crutch, arsenic does Marianne. “I americium still successful nan preliminary stages,” she said, “so I’m still struggling to consciousness normal. I still crave it. I still consciousness a spot sad and lost. I’m trying to switch it pinch different things, but I’m being confronted pinch each nan obligations that I ignored erstwhile I was ever stoned.” I subordinate to that truthful strongly: without weed, you can’t hide from yourself anymore.

EB utilized regularly for much than 40 years; she precocious discontinue successful her mid-60s. Her proposal for others trying to footwear nan habit: “Get astatine nan guidelines of why you’re utilizing successful nan first place. Deal pinch nan pain. Once you woody pinch nan pain, you don’t request nan Band-Aid immoderate more.”

As a child, EB really wanted to study to play drums, but her begetter wouldn’t fto her. Now, she’s readying to return lessons. “I emotion [EB] 2.0,” she said.

I told her that had been a puerility dream of excavation too. “It’s not excessively precocious for you to learn, either,” she told me. “We’re grownups now, and we’re successful charge.”

• Shannon Keating is simply a Liverpool-based freelance writer