Guinness Open Gate Brewery, London Wc2: ‘absolute “will-this-do?” Nonsense’ – Restaurant Review | Grace Dent On Restaurants

The caller Guinness Open Gate Brewery, pinch its tours, gift shop and eating options, has appeared successful Covent Garden, slap-bang successful nan centre of London’s astir nosebleedingly costly existent estate.

This multi-multi-million-pound paean to “the achromatic stuff”, wherever Guinness disciples tin make pilgrimage, has been connected nan capital’s sky for what seems for illustration an era. The task has been tantalisingly dangled arsenic an opening for immoderate years, past delayed umpteen times, because, rather understandably, erecting a purpose-built, gargantuan, multi-floor Willy Wonka’s Booze Factory successful nan West End of London for a firm behemoth is nary easy feat. Imagine nan layers of global, bureaucratic, cross-platform multi-media squad Zooms that had to hap to hone nan eventual Guinness experience. So galore Is to dot and Ts to cross, particularly, because nutrient is simply a cardinal portion of nan venture, pinch 2 restaurants connected tract – The Porter’s Table and Gilroy’s Loft – wherever exec cook Pip Lacey is serving non-challenging yet hearty menus, arsenic good arsenic a courtyard pastry stall by Calum Franklin.

Safe bet: nan ‘soft, crusty, scone-like’ Guinness soda breadstuff astatine Open Gate Brewery, London WC2.

Eventually, past December, Open Gate Brewery yet flung unfastened its doors. Or, much accurately, it opened its many, galore sets of doors, because Open Gate is not 1 site, for illustration Willy Wonka’s Factory aliases moreover Madame Tussauds, wherever you measurement wrong and time off nan existent world behind. Instead, it is dispersed complete respective streets. A shop here, a edifice there, a thoroughfare stall complete here, which makes nan full point alternatively underwhelming.

Aside from a twinkly cobbled area beside nan gift shop, there’s thing very photo-worthy for visitors to flood societal media with. This is wherever my siren bells went off. The London Guinness acquisition is decidedly subtle. Apparently, they brew small-batch ales here, truthful tin telephone themselves a brewery, but I saw nary existent push to waste them. Certainly not successful nan Porter’s Table, which I’d imagined would beryllium a dark, sleek, modern, Irish-feeling edifice pinch a welcoming Guinness for each diner, and an aura that you were successful nan location of that hallowed pint. I’d imagined servers drilled to flog Guinness, making a fuss of nan pour, and really it pairs pinch circumstantial meats and cheeses. Perhaps Hothouse Flowers, nan Cranberries and nan Chieftains would beryllium playing successful nan inheritance arsenic I ate Guinness soda breadstuff surrounded by chipper Irish-American visitors who adore their ancestry.

‘Would person been barren without Guinness-peppercorn sauces and fermented chilli’: Guinness Open Gate Brewery’s platter of chicken, ribeye and triple murphy Guinness and mushroom pie.

The Guinness squad person successful truth spent millions making a edifice that feels much for illustration a Google HQ unit room pinch scarcely a mention of Guinness. No branded colours, nary paper pairings, nary concerted effort to waste you a pint. Maybe Guinness is truthful cool now – what pinch nan TV play and non-stop TikTok kids bleating connected astir splitting nan G – that its trading agency thought nan astir powerful point to do would beryllium to quash thing arsenic cheesy arsenic serving nan stuff.

Be warned, however, if you do get stuck successful connected nan pints successful this ground-floor Guinness edifice and request to walk a penny, nan loos are connected nan 5th floor, and reachable only by lift. Guinness, fto nan grounds show, cannot organise a piss-up successful a brewery.

We ordered Guinness soda bread, which was served successful immoderate benignant of weird robust safe. God knows why. It tasted wonderful: soft, crusty, scone-like. A information of “lyrical lager brew frickles” were pleasant enough, and a Porter’s brew melt pinch Paxton & Whitfield cheese connected brioche was fundamentally a McDonald’s cheeseburger made pinch toast. The patty was ungenerous, albeit nicely seasoned.

‘Little much than immoderate sponge’: Guinness Open Gate Brewery’s The Three Stouts dessert.

Some ribeye – a scant 200g, served mean uncommon – and a half-chicken were good, if unmemorable, and would person been barren without Guinness-peppercorn sauces and fermented chilli, which costs an other £4.50 for mini pots. A Guinness-themed dessert called The Three Stouts was small much than immoderate sponge pinch a spot of pick and cocoa caramel atop. Absolute “will-this-do?” nonsense.

This was a puzzling experience. Why does this edifice request a huge, noisy unfastened room to service chickenhearted and chips? How tin nan very respected Devonshire pub, a short locomotion distant successful Piccadilly, beryllium doing much for nan image of Guinness than a 100 executives connected six-figure wages organising this extravaganza? How did they create a gift shop pinch virtually thing worthy buying, and successful 2 short hours make maine emotion nan marque less? If you’re a tourer successful London, spell to Madame Tussauds instead.

• Guinness Open Gate Brewery, 28 Shelton Street, London WC2 (no phone). Open each week, Mon-Thurs 11am-11.30pm, Fri & Sat 11am-midnight, Sun noon-10.30pm. From astir £50 a caput for 3 courses, positive drinks & service