Early connected successful Confessions of a Brain Surgeon, a unit personnel pipes up from down nan camera. Would Henry Marsh mind saying something, anything, to spot if nan microphones are working? “When, successful ugliness pinch luck and men’s eyes,” Marsh says instantly, not pausing for a infinitesimal to stitchery nan words, “I each unsocial beweep my outcast state, and problem deaf eden pinch my bootless cries, and look upon myself and curse my fate.” A elemental “testing testing, 1 two” would beryllium modular practice, but Marsh is not your modular documentary subject.
Marsh is simply a retired neurosurgeon, having spent decades astatine nan apical of his profession. You’ve astir apt seen infirmary documentaries that person featured an “awake craniotomy”, nan macabre process that keeps a diligent pinch a sawn-open skull conscious, truthful nan effect of nan scalpel’s cuts tin beryllium monitored successful existent time. Marsh, on pinch his longterm colleague, anaesthetist Judith Dinsmore, pioneered that. He performed galore different exceptionally precocious operations pinch unsocial skill. Countless patients who were told by little able, little imaginative medics that they were terminally sick were treated successfully by Marsh.
At 75, Marsh is physically and mentally agile, but his ain test of prostate crab has caused him to reflect. In Charlie Russell and Harriet Bird’s exquisite film, he reviews diaries and location movie footage, and meets important group from his past.
So really does this man, nan 1 pinch Shakespeare sonnets fresh connected his tongue, consciousness to person been nan champion astatine nan vocation we usage arsenic shorthand for nan world’s hardest job? “All surgeons transportation wrong themselves an soul cemetery,” he says. “A spot afloat of bitterness and regret.” Every master lifesaver is haunted by nan group they were incapable to help, but Marsh is truthful troubled by nan comparatively fewer patients who died connected his array that he can’t return pleasance successful his galore successes. He struggles moreover to retrieve them.
Confessions of a Brain Surgeon is his quest to rectify that, and make bid pinch himself. The result, powered by Marsh’s pitiless acuity and disarming eccentricity, is simply a heavy meditation connected what it intends to person lived: decease hands america a ledger of triumphs and mistakes, nan happiness we’ve dispersed tallied against nan symptom we’ve inflicted. Was it each worthy it?
Marsh remembers a 16-year-old woman who had a life-altering changeable aft her operation. He remembers patients who did not past astatine all. Reviewing his trips to Ukraine, which he has visited regularly arsenic a unpaid since 1992, he finds footage of Tania, a woman he brought backmost to London but could not cure. “I look astatine this pinch complete horror,” he says, peering done nan thick, information spectacles that heighten his hawkish gaze. “Horror” is nan connection he uses astir often.
With nan thief of his first wife, Hilary, Marsh besides looks backmost astatine nan antagonistic effect his calling had connected his individual life. Was he a workaholic who sacrificed his family’s happiness to thrust himself forward? Yes, but arsenic pinch seemingly everything successful Marsh’s life, matters had a cruelly precise equilibrium and inevitability to them. He chose to train arsenic a neurosurgeon aft his first child, William, became earnestly sick astatine nan property of 3 months. The babe recovered aft a successful encephalon cognition but nan ordeal was, Marsh says, “horror beyond horror”.
An already piercingly affectional documentary shifts up a cogwheel during Marsh’s gathering pinch a female named Tina. Almost 30 years ago, Tina’s four-year-old boy Max had a encephalon tumour, and Marsh said he could hole it. He was wrong. In a stunningly frank exchange, Tina admits that she has carried a hatred for Marsh ever since Max died; Marsh admits that he misdiagnosed nan type of tumour Max had “because I was arrogant”. But past Tina lets spell and forgives, for nan elemental logic that Marsh has afloat callback of nan case: he remembered her small Max. Suddenly this brusque intelligence leans crossed nan array and grasps some Tina’s trembling hands. “Of people I remembered.”
Further redemption comes from reunions pinch Dinsmore, nan anaesthetist, who reminds Marsh of nan awesome activity they did; and his long-serving caput Gail, who says it was an honour to assistance him. Then location is an aged patient, Jude, who was a caller mum successful 2002 erstwhile she was told by doctors that her tumour was inoperable. Marsh disagreed; Jude precocious saw her boy graduate. In her house, Marsh is shown a wall of family photos, each representation a gift bestowed by nan dedication that has brought him unimaginable anguish. Was it each worthy it? The movie ends pinch Marsh still weighing nan evidence, but we’re fixed logic to dream that his reply will beryllium yes.